The Game Anxiety Asks to Play (and always wins at.)

Anxiety is one of those things that everyone suffers from and has to learn to deal with. When we are in the throes of anxiety we feel completely powerless to do anything and our most primal instincts take over because we get desperate. That is when we play the game. The game that everyone has a love/hate relationship with (and always loses at.) Which game am I talking about?

The “What if game.”

Where we are the contestant and our anxiety is the host.

The “what if game” has simple rules and they go like this:

1. Find a stressful situation.

2. Conjure up the worst possible outcomes by beginning with the phrase, “what if_____happens?”

3. Brood over the WORST ones.

4. Panic and embrace them as reality.

5. Repeat until exhaustion takes over.

There are no winners in this game.

It is NOT helpful.

It is NOT productive.

Yet, we play it over and over again.

We play it because it gives us a sense of power in an otherwise powerless situation. It makes us feel like we are doing something because if we can predict what happens next...then we have control. However, we can NEVER PREDICT what happens next. For good or bad; better or worse. Which is why this is a TERRIBLE game for us to play. It is a terrible way for us to deal with our anxiety, because it isn’t actually dealing with our anxiety at all. It is giving it liberty to do whatever it wants. (Which isn’t good)

There is a BETTER way.

There is a BETTER GAME.

The “What is” game.

The “What is” game has even SIMPLER rules...and you win every time:

1. Find a stressful situation.

2. Disregard ALL things you have no control over.

3. Focus on something you can ACTUALLY control.

4. Do what you can.

5. Watch anxiety melt away.

As opposed to making us feel powerless, this game EMPOWERS us because it causes us to focus on things we can actually do something about. Things like:

Our attitude.

Our thoughts.

Our words.

Our actions.

That is all we can control anyways, right? Our struggle is that when anxiety takes over or when we make ourselves anxious (I am not always sure which one comes first) we forget to focus on the things that we can actually doing something about. This causes anxiety to diminish because anxiety is all about (the lack of) control.

The next time you find yourself playing the, “What if” game stop and realize that no one is forcing you to play, so don’t be afraid to say, “I’m taking my ball and I am going home.” Because when you do that…

You just started playing the, “What is” game.

Suggested Reading

7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

What to do when you hit, "the WALL."

We have all met, “THE WALL” from time to time. Its arrival is always unannounced, unwelcomed, and at the worst possible time. We have hit it during a project at school or work; after a long day with the kids (and our spouse isn’t even CLOSE to being home); or in the middle of a grueling workout. We try to avoid it and pretend we can avoid dealing with it, but that isn’t how life works. The WALL will always show up at some point in our lives if we are trying to do anything productive or worthwhile.

Essentially that is our level of growth in that area. Many people view this as their LIMIT. They hit this point, shrink back, and call it a day. There is however another way of looking at it. Listen to what Darren Hardy says:

“Hitting the wall isn’t an OBSTACLE, it is an OPPORTUNITY.”

It is an OPPORTUNITY to get better.

It is an OPPORTUNITY to build character.

It is an OPPORTUNITY to grow.

The WALL should not be viewed as something to be avoided, but a moment that we CHERISH because it is how we know we are on the right track. It is how we know that we are headed into the NEXT LEVEL of growth. It is in that moment that we decide to soldier on, push through it, and cross the threshold that we make the most growth. If we make this mindset a HABIT then our potential is LIMITLESS. However, if we stop at the WALL; our potential is LIMITED.

I can’t tell you the next time you are going to hit a WALL. No one can, because the WALL shows up when it wants to (not when we want it to.)

My encouragement is to think about that moment differently. Instead of DREADING that moment, DREAM about that moment because it is not an OBSTACLE to be avoided, but an OPPORTUNITY to be seized.

“It’s not getting to the WALL that counts, it’s what you do AFTER you hit it.” -Darren Hardy

Get to the WALL; and plow through it.

Suggested Reading:

The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy

Chasing Excellence by Ben Bergeron

You're more scared of this than you think.

When we think of fear, most of the time we think of something outside of ourselves. Some external force or situation that could POTENTIALLY cause us pain like sickness, violence, economic collapse, etc. While those things are frightful, I want to talk today about something that I think is absolutely terrifying. And that we try to avoid, deny, and escape from on a DAILY if not HOURLY basis.

I am talking about the fear of our OWN POTENTIAL.

It is absolutely terrifying to realize our potential, because the moment we do that we are now RESPONSIBLE for what happens next. And if we don’t do anything about it, then we know that we did not live up to our capabilities.

That is why we DENY it.

That is why we IGNORE it.

That is why we try to ESCAPE from it.

We all do this in little forms throughout the day. With either the words we say: ,”I can’t do that...I’m not talented enough...I don’t have what it takes.” Or with our actions: hitting snooze for an hour (guilty), scrolling the internet or social media unnecessarily (guilty again), binge watching Netflix (we’ve all been there.)

I think the reason why we do this is that we want to ESCAPE from the REALITY that we are CAPABLE of GREAT things. We don’t want to face it, we don’t want to know it, we don’t want to own it. Because the moment we do face it, the moment we know we are capable of great, incredible things:

We have to BECOME SOMEONE GREATER.

And that is painful.

So we avoid it.

The process of becoming the person who REALIZES and ACTUALIZES their potential requires sacrifice and discomfort. Something that we typically don’t want to EMBRACE (even though we need to.) That is why we deny, ignore, and escape.

What is one area of your life that you are choosing to deny your potential? What is one area that you are choosing not to see yourself as you really are and more importantly who you could become? What is one area where you are trying to escape?

Could be at work. You’re just “working for the weekend.”

Could be at home. You’re just, “surviving.”

Could be at the gym. You’re just “deloading for a month.”

My encouragement for all of us is to take a good, hard look in the mirror at who we presently ARE and who we could BECOME in the future. We must find those areas where we are trying to escape the terrifying reality of our potential, face it head on and close the gap between where we are and where we want to be.

Jim Rohn says, ““If you are not willing to risk the unusual, then you will have to settle for the ordinary.”

You and I were created for FAR MORE than ordinary. Let’s not try to escape that.

Let’s CHOOSE extraordinary.